the language of adoption

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.

~Rita Laws, PhD.

i like looking for good quotes. this one struck my fancy as it is about adoption and really makes a statement about the language we use about adoption. in my adoption experience, i have learned that the language of adoption is slowly changing: most birth parents don't "give up" their babies. rather, they make an adoption plan for their child. adoptive parents are just as much the child's real parents as are the child's birth parents. biological children are children who share your genetic code. so in my case, i might say that i have a biological son who is 9 and an adopted son who is 2. of course, both boys are 100% MINE (or rather, to be fair, ours since my husband is very much a part of this family!)

here's an adoption creed i really love because it also tells how i feel:

not flesh of my flesh
nor bone of my bone,
but still miraculously my own.
never forget for a single minute,
that you grew not under my heart,
but in it.

being both a bio mom and an adoptive mom is such a joy and a privilege. in many ways i know i'm blessed to have "the best of both worlds" so to speak. and i'm so thankful for both my boys. it matters not a bit to me that i only birthed one of them. when our youngest was about 3 months old, i had a friend from church ask me if i felt the same toward him as my eldest. i knew what she wanted to know was if i loved my new baby as much as i loved his big brother when he was a baby. i think she was also curious as to how it feels to be an adoptive mom. my answer was and still is "there are days i seriously forget i didn't give birth to him!" it's true! that's how i love him...it makes no difference how he came to be part of our family. yes, he has a birth family and some day he might even get to know them too.

but this fact remains regardless: he is and always will be my son.